I'll be a happy woman...

I feel obligated to post something about it being Mother's Day this weekend, since I've seen so many friends post facebook statuses such as:
  

To all the unselfish moms out there who traded sleep for dark circles, salon haircuts for a ponytail, long showers for quick ones, late nights for early mornings, and designer bags for diaper bags, and wouldn't change a thing. Let's see how many moms post this who don't care what they gave up and instead LOVE what they got in return..Post this if you LOVE being a MOM!
  

I've carried a baby within my body. I've slept with a baby on my chest. I have kissed boo boos, mended broken hearts, been puked on and pooped on & spent sleepless nights in a rocking chair. But I wouldn't have it any other way. My body is far from magazine perfect, but when I look into the mirror I see a mom, and there is no greater honor or blessing. Make this your status if you're proud to be a mom. 
 

I considered joining these moms by posting similar statuses that praise my own selfless mother, lamenting the struggles of being a mom, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.   I want and need more than what a status update can provide.  What I  really want is recognition of my sacrifice on a daily basis, not just on Mother’s Day.    Am I needy or crazy?
 

So much of motherhood is thankless.   Yesterday, I cleaned up vomit five separate times and one of those occasions, caught the vomit in both of my hands nearly throwing up myself at the substance's consistency, smell, and heat.  I wrestled on clothes, cleaned up splattered food off of the floor- twice, served as referee, judge and jury, and even took a temperature reading from my child's nether region. There is no doubt that I would do anything for my children, but I think every parent needs to hear words of appreciation from their partner for the infinitesimal tasks that keep the house afloat.  Especially since this job never ends and the insecure part of me feels like every other stay at home parent is better at this than I am. (My house is a wreck and all I can think of while typing this is the never ending to-do list of chores that I am neglecting...) 
 

I'm not talking about idol worship, though I could probably get used to it; I'm looking for encouraging words, a smile, hug, kiss, telling me every day that you know that I am uniquely qualified to be the matriarch of our little brood.   Then reassure me that we are not having any more children and that I will return to corporate America at some point in the future, and I'll be a happy woman. 
 
For all of the work they create around here, at least they are cute, aren't they?!

Eating my words...

I knew it was bound to happen at some point.  I should have known it was coming, because parenting makes you eat your words all the time; for example: "I'll never change a poopy diaper!" or "I'll never wake up 500 times per night; my kid will just deal with it!" or "I'm never getting rid of my motorcycle!" or "I'm never getting stretchmarks!"  The list could go on forever.   Today, I opened wide and chomped down on my "I'm never going to let my kid piss in a parking lot!"

I've discussed how potty training is mostly training us parents, and this month I learned this lesson the hard way: through Ashton's three uncharacteristic accidents.  The most memorable of these happened at the tot lot.  At first, I noticed a spot on Ashton's butt and thought it was from a slide.  As the wet spot grew, I knew Ashton had sprung a leak.  When the spot morphed into a full-throttle accident, I grabbed him and pulled him to the side for a quick wardrobe change.  Little did I know that he wasn't close to being finished.  Air activated the hose and boom, I was covered in pee only to look up to see Brandi laughing hysterically at me.  This of course explains the above picture...  Naturally, my being assaulted by pee has made me a little jumpy when Ashton says, "Mommy, pee pee time!"
 
On a trip to quickly pick up a jogging stroller purchased from Craigslist, I was racing against the clock because the seller needed to leave his house at a very precise time.  I knew before I left our house that I was pushing my luck, so I begged Ashton to hold it when he said three separate times, "Mommy, pee pee time," and "Mommy, no pee pee in car.  Pee pee in pah-pie." I couldn't afford to stop even for a second, because being late meant that I took the hour and thirty minute drive for nothing.  Finally, we skidded into the seller's parking spot and loaded the stroller into the car.  Suddenly, Ashton reminded me of his need to use the "pah-pie."  I couldn't bring myself to ask a perfect stranger to 1. further delay his plans and 2. let unknown people enter his house and use his bathroom.  Furthermore, with a paranoid cop of a husband, I knew my ass would be grass if I went into this nice man's home even for an emergency.  So, I let Ashton pee in his sippy cup for fear that he would urinate all over his car seat, which, as we all know, requires Einstein's IQ to return to normal once the seat cover is removed. 

You got that right, I ate my words and the aftertaste still lingers...

Happy 1st Birthday, Sweet Baby Rea!

So much has changed over the last year, but one thing is for sure: we would be lost without Reagan.  When I found out I was pregnant with Reagan, we had no clue what an amazing addition she would be to our family.  She's the perfect feminine balance for Ashton, and finally, Jimmy has a kid who loves him more than me.  I secretly wanted a boy, because I get boys; they like sports, they eat a lot, and they love their mamas. Simple. I figured girls require more work because you have to comb their hair and make sure their outfits match. Plus, they're emotional and cry at every turn.  I couldn't have been more wrong.  I love having our little girl SO much. Thank you, Reagan, for teaching me that all of my trivial, preconceived notions were totally off base.

What makes Reagan so great; she is one pleasant surprise after another. 

I'm a big fan of nicknames, ask my sister Lauren, who I refer to as Al or Ken, and my brother, Trevor, who I call Beau.  For posterity, I thought I'd post the nicknames that we came up with for Reagan this year:

~Naynee: As Ashton started talking better, this was what he first called Reagan.  Even though he can now say almost any word, he refuses to call her anything but Naynee.  And we don't mind at all.

~Rea Rea:  My mom doesn't care for this perversion of Reagan.  She says, "with such a pretty name like Reagan, why would you call her Rrrraaay Rrraaayyy?"  However, it has stuck around and is most used by Jimmy.

~Nayners:  This is a Chelsea adaptation of Naynee.  Something about Nayners is cuter to me than Naynee.

~Sweet baby Rea: Reagan is joy personified.  I don't know how we originally came up with the nickname, but it stuck  when we would sing it the tune of Niel Diamond's "Sweet Caroline." Ashton would even do the "Bum, Bum, Bum!"  Then a teammate asked us why we named her after a BBQ sauce.   That was unintentional, but it suits her completely, so we will keep saying it anyway.  Plus the BBQ sauce is delicious!

~Swiper:  As I shared in a previous Blog, Reagan cannot be trusted!  She is very resourceful and despite her small stature, she can reach almost anything in the house. 

~Peanut Brittle: I am the only person who calls her this because she is such a little peanut.  Ashton has always been ginormous, and we've enjoyed having an average infant around.  She seems so tiny!  A normal person would just call her "Peanut," but I added the "brittle" for some reason...It stuck, well for me, anyway.

~ Reagan Grace: This isn't a nickname, as it is her first and middle name, but I like using it when she's being precocious.  It is so sophisticated and such a pretty name, that I would hate for it to go to waste.  The southerner in me hopes that she starts using a double name when she gets older! 

Most amazing day ever...

Perhaps it was unwise to start my journey as a stay at home mom while living in an area with the most unpredictable and blah-for-half-the-year climate.  Maybe I'm not creative enough for days on end indoors and should eliminate any northern states from our list of perspective places to live.  Doesn't really matter the cause, but the end result is the same-- winter is hell with two little kids.  Everything is more difficult because everyone is stir-crazy.  Since the sunshine has consistently hit my face for the last couple of days, I finally realized that these walls were suffocating me.  Sure, I love my kids and all, but at some point, you run out of things to do and start acting a little nutty. 

Today proved this point, as we had the best day ever.  I was lucky to have met a kind woman, who invited us to come along with her group of friends to the beach.  I've never been much of a beach goer, and unlike my hyper-social husband, almost dread unfamiliar people, so at first I was going to turn down the invite.  Until about .23 seconds later, I remembered that I had been on house arrest, and this could be my entree into society.  Lacey and her friends were so welcoming, and it was as if we had been friends for years. It must be because they are military wives. 

To be fair, having the sand beneath our toes contributed about 5% to the joy of the day.  I was mesmerized by Ashton.  He was social, kind, happy, fearless, and a great listener.  The entire time he was radiant, including packing up and leaving, which we all know is typically the witching hour of any trip.  He was the kid that other parents saw and must have thought, "wow, now that's a cool kid..."

While driving home, with the kids sacked out behind me, I reflected on the past few hours and caught myself smiling.  You see, there are days when I wonder what could have been if I would have taken a different path last fall.  Sure would have been easier on our poor bank account...  But life isn't about stuff.  It's all about moments. 

After an introduction consisting of 3 words, Ashton and Austin were friends immediately despite the 9 year difference.

Reagan was quick to learn that sand is cool to play with and not cool to eat.

Our humble beach set up.  We're spoiled!  Incidentally, this was the first time I used the umbrella and about half way through our time I realized I had it set up backwards.  No worries; it did the trick!

Our group eating lunch and snacks.  Another side note: a packed lunch on the beach with kids is a bad idea.  Sand everywhere... 

Reagan surveying her surroundings.

Mom, this water is freezing.  Please remove me at once!  Back to the sand, por favor!!

Who knew heaven is a place on earth?

All worn out dreaming of our next trip.

Am I doing the wrong thing?

There's a magazine with a black, asian, and white guy on its cover... nope not a joke. Ashton asked "who's this?" pointing to the men. I started saying "that's an asian guy, a white guy, and a black guy" thinking it would be a way to teach that all races are cool. This backfired. At Walmart, he said, "Mommy, look! That's the black guy!!" and gestured to a black woman. 

Mortified...  

Am I doing the wrong thing?

I love you isn 't enough

Do you ever feel like "I love you" doesn't cover it?

Sometimes I look at my kids or Jimmy, and I am so overcome with emotion that I feel my chest tighten like I'm going to burst in to tears.  "I love you" isn't enough.  I don't just love you, I love the way you laugh, the way you dance, the way you sleep, the way you kiss, the way you wrestle... I could go on forever, and still feel like I missed something.  What does this come from?  Is this normal or am I just a blubbering weirdo? 

I remember in the past, I thought I was in love several times.  I just knew that the feelings of infatuation were definitely love.  That feeling doesn't even come close to when the world around me softens and slows, and I look, finally seeing the masterpiece we have everyday, right in front of us. 

"For every stoplight I didn't make
Every chance I did or I didn't take
All the nights I went too far
All the girls that broke my heart
All the doors that I had to close
All the things I knew but I didn't know
Thank God for all I missed
Cause it led me here to this." ~Darius Rucker

An update on something other than our children...

                            
Not that our children are great, but it is clear that my world revolves around them entirely.  Contrary to popular belief, we do have a life that is child friendly, but not solely comprised of activities for toddlers.  So I thought I'd post an update about what Jimmy and I have been up to lately.

Chelsea:
My current side project is Operation Skinny-mini. I've been keeping to a pretty strict calorie limit and am feeling the benefits already.  My clothes feel looser and when I look at myself in the mirror, I feel prettier--but I don't know if anyone else can tell just yet.  I'm also trying to intake more water, which was a cinch during my pregnancies, but is laborious now.   I thought about additives like Crystal Light, but wonder if that's going to be a crutch.   Oddly enough, it isn't that I replace water with any other liquid, I just act like I'm crossing the Sahara Desert miles away from an oasis, rendering me just shy of fully cotton mouthed.  I don't get why I do this to myself... Do any of you have tips for increasing and liking water? 

In addition to losing weight, spring softball practices have started up and are my weekly highlight.  We take the kids and Ashton runs around the outfield "helping" (yeah right) and Sweet Baby Rea is either eating fruit in the limo-stroller or strapped up to left fielder, Jimmy.  Sounds annoying, but our kind team members appear to enjoy the kids' unbridled joy as they pretend to be just like the big guys. A big plus is that they sleep like logs afterwards!

Jimmy:
Work is... well... a chore.  He's been working the midnight shift and I'd be telling a tall tale if I told you that this schedule didn't cause an argument or two.  He's struggling to sleep in the day and I'm struggling to keep his groupies out of our bedroom.  Unfortunately, that means I require his tiptoeing, so the kids forget he's around.  The couple of disagreements we've had have been short lived, but it must be a combination of insomnia and isolation to the basement.

On a high note, Jimmy's in full softball mode and of course, is in heaven.  I strongly encourage his activities because his job is boring right now and he needs an active outlet to counterbalance his night work.  (Ok, for the most part I encourage... he's a little ADD and could easily fill his every waking moment with activities, insisting that the kids and I just tag along-- not entirely my idea of fun...)

Us:
Last week we celebrated 4 years together.  It's amazing how the time flew by, coupled with the feeling of us being together for a lifetime.  I almost can't remember life without him.  It's funny how opposites attract-- he just received his Myers Briggs results from one of his classes and SURPRISE we're exact opposites.   We have the same value system, but approach everything differently.  Maybe that's why it works. And somehow, amidst the craziness, we stabilize each other.