For some reason, earned or otherwise, my dad has achieved the coveted status of "coolest old dude in the family" by the kids. They love everything about him, and usually spend an inordinate amount of time sitting on his lap or shoulders. It is indearing for me, but Grammy's pride is a little - ahem - bruised when Papa gets all of the attention.
I can't blame her, and even try to overemphasize how cool I think she is and try to steer them toward her arms when possible. In fact, it is only an issue with Ashton. To the untrained eye, it might seem as if both grandparents get equal attention, but my mom keeps a secret tally and yearns to carry 60 lbs of baby around the house and be trampled by a kid-stampede when she enters the room.
This need to be cool backfired for ol' Cath... and was unbelievably hilarious. For giggles, I'll provide a summary of her transgressions.
1. Water slide at the community pool
This could be an entire blog. Here we are at the Prince Frederick Aquatic Center in their cool kid pool area. There are slides and water dumping bucket and water spouts and cool stuff. Ashton and Reagan spend the entire time on the slides, and it is a blast to watch them go. Anyway, Reagan was saddled up getting ready to go down the frog slide and my mom was behind her making sure she didn't have a head cracking fall. As Grammy led her up, Ashton yelled from the bottom of the slide, "Grammy, Ashton catch you?" At the sound of those words, Grammy nudges the 14-month-old infant out of the way and hops down the slide towards the two year old. Miss judging the speed at which she would careen down the slide, Grammy ran smack-dab into Ashton, of course knocking him over, sitting on top of him, and smothering him under the water. We quickly saved the traumatized little guy from death and naturally, Ashton was a little miffed about the incident. Seriously, Grammy? Not really the way to win his favor...
2. Drowning at the hands of his Grandmother
After the water slide debacle, Ashton had short-term memory loss and seemed interested in having Grammy catch him as he jumped off the bottom of the big blue slide. Grammy obliged (what a surprise) and all was well. While in her arms, Grammy decided to teach Ashton how to hold his breath by blowing in his face and dunking him in the water. Awesome idea, however, the kid ain't so great at holding his breath, so the five second water dunk was an epic fail. Ashton emerged from the water with his lungs full of water and proceeded to vomit. Great. TWEET, TWEET!!! We heard the fateful whistles from the lifeguards and learned that vomit is on par with poop and at the very sight of it, the entire pool must be evacuated. Embarrassingly, my dad tried to scoop up the vomit to help get everyone back in the pool, to which we learned was just gross and didn't help the problem at all. Grammy, here's a lesson: there is no way the kid will like you after you drown him. In fact, he might haunt you.
4. Strike out
While in Walmart, Ashton was fascinated with this weird purple ball. Since it was like $45 dollars, I refused to buy it, but was relying on him getting distracted to ditch the thing and move on. Once he seemed distracted, I had the ball do a disappearing act to a high shelf. As soon as I was busted by Ashton, he called for the purple ball, to which Grammy grabbed and decided to hurl at his face. Awesome help; except he can't catch. SMACK! The ball hits his face and knocks the two-year-old over. Good job, Grammy. Surely a concussion is going to win him over.
5. Frog on the loose
We aren't sticks in the mud, but Jimmy and I have no interest in having any pets at the juncture in our lives. Grammy, in her last ditch effort to be cool, found a frog on our stoop and decided to trap it and give it to Ashton as a short term pet. Great idea! He was jazzed, and as they came into our house, Grammy succumbed to his pleas to see the frog. Ribbit! The frog jumps out of the bucket and goes hopping as far away from his captures at possible. The frog has yet to be found and it has been over three weeks.
It wouldn't have been much of an issue assuming the frog was located, but the poor little guy looked for the frog for the entire next week. I just hope to be the one to find the fossilized frog, and not Ashton, because I'm not interested in explaining the life cycle of a frog, including its natural demise when taken from its habitat and not given food or water. Thanks Grammy. We are all pumped about the dead frog in our house.
One thing you can't take away from my sweet mother: SHE IS DETERMINED. I'm thinking I might want to give her a few pointers before she goes on another popularity rampage...
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