Ashton gets creative to get a set of screwdrivers moved from a toddler-accessible drawer to a high shelf. Yeah, the secret shelf lasted about an hour. Incidentally, he disrobed and moved the piano bench all while I was changing Reagan's diaper. Just a typical day!
I spend a considerable amount of time reflecting on how damn difficult it is to parent. This reflection is usually as a result of the kids' testing a new rule, observing different parenting styles between Jimmy and I, or being faced with physical challenges during tasks that would have otherwise been a breeze without carrying 60 lbs of baby on my hips.
Recently, I was thinking about all of the various skills it takes to be a decent parent-- notice, I didn't say "perfect," since I'm now certain that perfect is totally unattainable. Some say that one should have to past a test in order to become a parent. Well, since I'm sure the ACLU would be on that like white-on-rice, I figured a good ol' fashioned job description would do.
Baby seeking qualified candidates for the following position in the Greater Washington, DC area:
** Managing Director**
Must have former childcare experience with knowledge of and experience with incessant crying, sleepless nights, and poopy diapers.
JOB REQUIREMENTS
EDUCATION: Master's Degree in Clinical Psychology, Marital and Family Therapy; Master's Degree in Speech-Language Pathology, Bachelors Degree in Education with a concentration in Early Childhood Development, and an Associate Degree in Nursing.
EXPERIENCE: No minimum experience required.
On the job training provided. However, candidate must be:
1. A Workaholic. Position has no set hours and initial work week will render you comatose. After initial training, work hours range from 10-20 hours per day, totaling as many as 140 hours per week.
2. A Team Player. Position requires close communication and collaborative decision making with team members.
3. Athletic. Managing Director must possess the ability to reach for fallen objects while holding baby, cell phone, diaper bag, keys, sippy cup, and favorite toy or blanket. Additional acrobatics required during playtime, grocery shopping, doctor's appointments, and formerly simple tasks like checking the mail and clearing the dishwasher.
4. Creative. Daily opportunities arise for your creative input with little notice.
Previous experience as an Energizer Bunny, Executive Assistant, Events Coordinator, Motivational Speaker, Accountant, House Keeper, Photographer, Videographer and/or Stylist is desirable. The ideal candidate is willing to learn, flexible, patient, and rich.
Baby has a terrific benefits package. Please forward your resume and salary requirements to Ihadnoclue@whatparentingbook.com.
I love this video. It reminds me of when my brother tricked me into getting past my watch, moved his high chair to the counter in order to climb on top of the fridge to get his favorite snacks. They are adorable devilish little monsters aren't they?!
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