Done?

I hate myself for posting this, especially since Jimmy and I had a grocery store trip from hell this morning.  Kids can make you feel insane for ever breaking your high school abstinence pledge. But for some reason after this hellacious, relationship testing trip to Giant, I felt this unbelievable desire to have another child.

Why, you might ask.  I have no bloody clue.  It's just that after those moments of stress, anger, frustration, and embarrassment all rolled in to one, I often laugh at the roller coaster, relishing in my ability to control myself and not kill anyone.  That's strange.  I must be certifiably insane.

I'm having an internal debate as to whether or not our family is complete.  I look at the four of us in pictures and for some reason feel like one more little face would make it perfect.

I'm not afraid of the work.  Two is hard enough, three can't be that bad.  I'm not afraid of being poor.  We're already broke.  I'm not afraid of the kids' reaction to another sibling.  They're too young to have much say.

BUT, do I long for another child for selfish reasons?  Is it just so I can eat all I want?  (those were the days...)  Why do I want another little me running around?  With the overcrowding of our planet on my brain, shouldn't we just replace ourselves and not add to the flood of people?  Ugh.

Children are just so hilarious. And beautiful.  And innocent.  And challenging. And totally rewarding.

Jimmy said we'd revisit this conversation at the first of the year.  Maybe I'll figure out what's right for us by that point.

When do you know you're done?  I thought I knew and now I'm just confused...